Surround yourself with intelligent people

Surround yourself with intelligent people


Barack Obama meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, "How do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Obama frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" he asks.
"Oh, that's easy," says the Queen. "You just ask them to answer a simple riddle."
Just then Gordon Brown walks into the room.
"Gordon, your mother and father have a child," says the Queen. "It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Brown answers, "Oh. That would be ... me, your majesty?"
"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.
Upon his return to Washington, D.C., Obama asks Joe Biden the same question. "Joe. Your mother and your father have a kid. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one." He goes to his advisers and asks every one, but no one can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Robert Gates' shoes in the next stall. Biden asks Gates, "Robert! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Gates responds, "That's easy. It's me!"
Biden smiles, and says, "Thanks!" Then, he goes back to speak with Obama.
"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Robert Gates."
Obama gets up, stomps over to Biden, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Gordon Brown!"

E-Mail Warning

If you receive an email from the Department of Health telling you not to eat canned pork because of swine flu ignore it.

It's just Spam.

Prayer before meals

A Sunday School teacher was trying to explain about saying grace before meals. One of the pupils was the young son of the minister of that church, so she started the discussion by asking him, "Jerry, what does your father say when the family sits down to dinner?"


"Dad says, 'Go easy on the butter, kids, its three dollars a pound!'"

Obama Jokes

These are good! (However I deny any connection with them.)

http://content.patriotpost.us/img/legacy/broadcasts/humor/102709.html

Leaning To the Right!

I have this friend who is so far to the right that:

• He is left-handed but is training himself to write and eat right-handed.
• He has removed the right heel from all his shoes so that he leans to the right when he walks.
• He has disabled his left turn signal on his car.
• While driving, he only makes right turns even if he has to go around the block, always turning right.
• On interstates and freeways, if his exit is a exit to the left, he will drive to the nearest exit where he can exit to the right.
• He refuses to eat left overs.
• On his daily To-Do List, he does not think about what is left to do; he considers what is the right thing to do.

So, what side are you on? And how far will you go to be right?

No Nativity Scene in Washington this year!

There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington this year!
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States ' Capital this Christmas season.
This isn't for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capitol.
A search for a Virgin continues.
There will be no problem however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

Conservative vs Liberal

If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn`t buy one.

If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If black men or Hispanics are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.
Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs, and is embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in labor and then sues.