Robber Visit

A man was sleeping soundly when his wife shook him and said, "Wake up, someone is breaking in!"

The man had gone through this same scenario almost every night of his marriage, and he knew that the only way he would get any rest was to get up and go check it out.

This time, however, he found that there really was a man with a gun who entered to rob the house!

As the thief was about to flee the man said, "Stop! You have to come with me and meet my wife."

Surprised, the thief turned around abruptly and said, "Why would you want ME to meet your wife?"

The man replied, "She's been expecting you for 20 years."

Hospital Introduction

While working as a Navy nurse in a military hospital's emergency room, this new Navy nurse was required to introduce himself by rank and full name. He usually referred to himself as Ensign Mike Payne, but one busy day he rushed into a patient's room and blurted, "Hi, I'm Ensign Payne."
"Hi," the patient responded. "I'm in some pain too."

Kitchen Wizard

My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better.

Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath."

I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest."

F16 vs. C-130

F16 vs. C-130

A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off.

The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!' and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that?

The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!' The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said: 'What did you think of that?'

Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?'

The C-130 pilot chuckled. 'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back, went to the latrine, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll.'

When you are young & foolish - speed & flash may seem a good thing !!!

When you get older & smarter - comfort & dull is not such a bad thing !!!

Us older folks understand this one.

This Is Really How The Internet Began

http://home.comcast.net/~singingman7777/Beginning.htm

Consistency

A man goes to consult Dr. Dr. Mike Wilson about his medical problem. After the visit the man asks, "How much do I owe you?"


"My fee is five hundred dollars," replies Dr. Wilson.

"Five hundred dollars? That's impossible. No one charges that much!"

"In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred."

"Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous."

"Well, then, could you afford two hundred?"

"Who has that kind of money?"

"Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just give me a hundred and get out of my office, okay?"

"I can give you fifty," says the man. "Take it or leave it."

"I don't understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in San Diego if you have no money?"

"Listen, Doctor," says the patient, "When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive!"

Road Crew Signs

While driving through Indiana, I kept having to slow down for road repair crews.

To keep the workers safe, the highway department posted a series of signs that read, "Let 'em work. Let 'em live."

On one of the signs an exasperated motorist had added, "Let 'em finish!"