News Alert

News Alert

Democrats, realizing the success of the President's "Cash For Clunkers" rebate program, have revamped a major portion of their National Health Care Plan.

President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Sen. Reid are expected to make this major announcement at a joint news conference later this week. I have obtained an advanced copy of the proposal which is named...

"CASH FOR CODGERS" ...and it works like this:

Couples wishing to access health care funds in order to pay for the delivery of a child will be required to turn in one old person. The amount the government grants them will be fixed according to a sliding scale. Older and more prescription dependent codgers will garner the highest amounts. Special "Bonuses" will be paid for those submitting codgers in targeted groups, such as smokers, alcohol drinkers, persons 10 pounds over their government prescribed weight, and any member of the Republican Party.

Smaller bonuses will be given for codgers who consume beef, soda, fried foods, potato chips, lattes, whole milk, dairy products, bacon, Brussel sprouts, or Girl Scout Cookies.

All codgers will be rendered totally useless via toxic injection. This will insure that they are not secretly resold or their body parts harvested to keep other codgers in repair.

Run my old friend, run! There's no way of knowing what the cutoff (no pun intended) age will be.

Blog: http://ramblinged.blogspot.com/

          http://edsjokes.blogspot.com/

Facebook: Ed Griffin

 

 

Flu Differences

What's the difference between Bird 'Flu and Swine 'Flu?

For one you need Tweetment and for the other Oinkment.

Courtesy of: The Cybersalt Digest, a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Communications
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh

 

 

Bible Story

Bible Story

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the Children of Israel " pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised land".

Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, " Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses and light up a camel, this is the Promised land".

Now Obama has stolen your shovel , taxed your asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the Promised land.

Blog: http://ramblinged.blogspot.com/

          http://edsjokes.blogspot.com/

Facebook: Ed Griffin

 

 

From The Washington Post's Style Invitational

From The Washington Post's Style Invitational which asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

* Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

* Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

*. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

* Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

* Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

* Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

* Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

* Karmageddon (n): it's like, when everybody is sending off all these, like, really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

* Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

* Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

* Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

* Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

* Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

* Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

 

 

What could possibly go wrong?

What could possibly go wrong?

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello?"
"Mrs. Sanders, please."
"Speaking."
"Mrs. Sanders, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."
"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders.
"Normally we can, but the new health care system will only pay for these expensive tests just one time."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The folks at Obama health care recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

(I think has been around the web previously.)